Saturday, February 28, 2009

Dedicated to you...

Posted this before a year or so. I see a friend or two relating to it now.

Friday, February 27, 2009


One of the proudest Mommy moments I can or will ever have as a parent has come. Gage has accepted Jesus into his heart and is now a Christian. He has been asking questions for a long time. His nature is to analyze every detail and decide later what he thinks. He approached us after church on Wednesday night and stated he wanted to be saved. We asked all the appropriate questions to make sure he understood what he was doing. Brought back a lot of memories for me as I was only 6 when I made the same decision. Found out from my mom it was on 7/19/87. I never could remember the exact date, just that it was in the summer in front of the bug light. As introverted as Gage is, I was actually surprised that he wants to be Baptized already. So proud of him. Kieran too has been asking a lot of questions. I am not pushing, just letting her come to it in her own time.

Wait for the Lord; be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord. -psalm 27:14


Monday, February 23, 2009

catch up

The usual business of my life is going full force. This last weekend I traveled up to Eureka Springs to watch the Betties play COMO. While up there we all participated in the parade for Mardi Gras weekend, full of throwing beads and everything. It was a blast. The Betties lost by a close margin and gave a good performance. The night before Steven and I attended a couples dinner date at the church for our couples class. We all brought our wedding photos and shared them with each other. It was nice to see how much everyone has changed. Steven was told several times that he looked like a punk... he fessed up and said that he was. I was actually liking the change I went through. Aging has slimmed my face and I actually weigh less than I did when I got married, so that is a plus. The evening was nice, full of free childcare and dinner. Can't beat that. Sunday, we had a soup and dessert potluck after church. We brought cheesecake swirl brownies and I found a recipe online for a knock off of Zupa Tuscana soup from Olive Garden. Steven made both and they were great. Sadly he didn't have much soup left to take home with him.

Today, I had a phone interview with a lady from a media production company based out of Michagan. A few weeks ago I sent in a Bio in for a possible spot of the National Geographic channel. National Geographic and this media company are in talks to do a series on people with normal "mainstream" lives who you wouldn't expect had wild pastimes. They were interested in having someone from WFTDA (women's flat track derby association) be on one of those episodes. So with my seemingly abnormal normalcy for the sport, I sent in a bio, not really expecting much out of it. The lady I spoke with was the Production Manager and she asked me a bunch of questions, which took about 30 minutes. She said they won't hear anything back before the end of March and their budget is approved. Still I am psyched I was even approached for the possibility. She later sent me their website to check out some of their work.

As if that wasn't enough excitement I was given a call last week by a reporter from the Arkansas Democrat and Gazette. My friend and teammate Pro gave them my name. They are wanting to do a piece on the same exact thing as the people above in their Profiles section. A photographer is coming to my practice tomorrow to hopefully get some decent shots and I will be meeting with the reported for the interview soon. I am somewhat excited about this, but ambivalent as well. My normalcy seems to be the rare thing apparently. Not sure what to think of the abnormalcy of that!?!

Tuesday, February 10, 2009


The past two nights I have had dreams of "The End". The first entailed me being on a trip somewhere and all the sudden large fiery balls were being thrown on the Earth by a large entity in a castle in the sky. I did not identify this "being" as God himself in the dream, strangely enough I heard someone say Zeus. Anyways, destruction was everywhere and everyone was running away from the next blast of fire. The girl I was with, no one from my real reality, seemed to share certain characteristics with Taylor Swift. She was able to gauge where the fire would fall and be able to run away before they hit. I stuck with her and avoided the fire as much as I could until I awoke from my slumber. Awake, I realized my usual dream powers were not present. I was unable to fly, move things with my mind, or run through walls and other things. That is not typical.

Last nights dream was even worse. Something was happening with the air in the atmosphere. One of it's main components was slowly diminishing... the oxygen portion! There was no light in this dream, it was all at night. Many people were already gone. The only people I remember was Steven, Ryker, an I. I do not know where Gage and Kieran was. Ryker was the first to be affected by it. In and out of consciousness, he started throwing up stuff similar to foam. I knew it was only a matter of time and I hated seeing him suffer. By this time Steven and I were struggling to breathe as well. Strangely enough, even though this was a dream, I can vividly remember the struggle to grasp a normal breathe. Again I was not able to use dreamlike powers to escape. Nothing was said when I grabbed the silver revolver on my right. How it got there I do not know. Steven was standing there with the look of sorrowful certainty. Without any specific gestures I knew what had to be done. Again, I vividly remember "checking out" or removing myself from any emotion that would keep me from what I felt I had to do. Suffering was no longer an option. Steven looked at me, then turned his head. I raised the gun and shot once, in his head. Again, I refrained from feeling what could have stopped me from continuing. Ryker was held in a cradle position in my left arm as I stood there. I couldn't put him down for this. So I held him when I did what I had to do to end his suffering. Immediately following with myself, with not even a full 3 seconds later. I woke up. Went to the bathroom to think about what just happened. Normally with bad dreams I often will wake up panting, sweating, or yelling. I did neither with this one. I just sat there is almost a state of shock.

As I write this I feel the emotion that alluded me. I told Steven my dream early this morning. His usual 'hmmmm' followed. Obviously he is not one to understand super vivid life like dreams. Even after times where I have been so mad at him in dreams due to ridiculous things and still end up being mad at him the day after and it wasn't even real. I can't help but get the movie "The Others" out of mind. I have hundreds of vivid dreams, these were worth blogging due to the general nature of the subject.

Trying to interpret my dreams and the only thing I can think of..... IT"S ALL THIS DANG ECONOMY CRAP!!!!! Trying to dodge the "fires", i.e. fireing! No oxygen, i.e. slow suffocation from all the pressures and insurmountable debt of this country! And well, the gun part... the news has already suggested this as being some peoples "only way out". However, I would never in million years go that far due to debt.

The only thing I can come up with is to stop reading the news.