Wednesday, May 31, 2006

I hate this crap!!

Gosh I am so pissed and upset, I have been balling my eyes out for at least 2 hours. We were getting ready to leave to go eat when we got a call from our landlord. Apparently he is wanting to sell this house. He said we have the first option to buy. I have wanted to buy this house since we moved in 2 years ago. Of course Stevem didn't want to, thinking of every thing wrong with it. SO I tell him I want to buy it of course. Well we cant. We couldnt get the loan after I just quit my job and we have no down payment. We pay $750 a month which is about $125 less than what normal rent for a place like this is. We got so lucky with this house. Our landlord has been awesome, I just wasnt expecting this. I have no reason why he is selling as Steven forgot to ask. He also forgot to tell him I am pregnant. So here are my choices.

-rent another house which will either be smaller or crappier and pay $100 more a month. to stay around here. or find a place outside of town, pull the kids from everything they know, and our new church.

-quit school, let DH apply anywhere in the US for a job that pays great and get a nice house.

both of the above causing me to be resentful.

-find a way to buy this house so we dont have to move!

That is what i want, but because of our situation we are unable to. I hate this. I am hurting so bad right now. I dont want to move, i hate moving, i literally hate it. I have had to move everytime I have been pregnant and even when Gage was 3 months old and when Kieran was 6 months. As you can see I have moved enough. I hate the packing, and each time it is more shit, we have lived here longer than any other place and have accumatlated so much. We werent expecting to move for at least 2 years and I would have been graduated and we could move anywhere and could of built the home we wanted. Steven doesn't get it, I dont think he understood just how upset I was until I told him how depressed I would be. I am hiding out in my bedroom with the door locked, crying my eyes out, just wishing this wasnt happening. I am already dealing with so many changes right now, dont get me wrong, I am usually good about them, but there is too many and this one is sending me over the edge. I really dont want to move, I really don't!! I havent been this upset in a long time and the sad thing is there is nothing that can make me feel better. Nothing short of a miracle. I am starting to feel sick now, i dont know what else to say, i better quit typing as I am rambling now.

Friday, May 19, 2006

Nice and relaxed!

This week has been very relaxing. Seems I have gotten to catch up on a lot of rest that I have needed. Maybe even too much. Lucky for me Steven has been home a lot due to classes being out this week. We have gotten to actually spend some alone time together. We went to the park today and just walked around. Seems my pregnancy is coming right along. I keep thinking that I might be jinxing myself though, so maybe I will stop bragging. My cold I had last week seemed to go away fairly fast, now watch me get something else.

Looks like we will be doing some cleaning this week. Gage's graduation is Tuesday and Granny Cathy and Pops are coming down. I can't believe my little boy is graduating preschool. Then next year he will graduate Kindergarten. Time is flying by way to fast. Kieran seems to be taking to being a little terror as of late. Even the preschool has said she has started telling them "No"! Used to it was just us, and she was an angel to everyone else. As soon as she comes home she throws a fit because she doesn't get her snack as soon or the way she wants. Then she gets put in her room for timeout, and then she wails and wails. After a couple of minutes her daddy or I will try to go in to calm her down, but instead she screams at us and slams the door. Already showing signs of being a teenager. I would love to see Super Nanny come and try to change her. I think she may actually meet her match then. I hope this fades before the baby comes. Otherwise I have no idea what we are going to do.

Wednesday, May 10, 2006

Return of my old freind

Stupid Cold! I swear I always get these in my second trimester of pregnancy. Last time with Kieran it turned into Bronchitis. I am so trying to let it get that bad. I am taking Zicam and gargling with listerine all the time. The scratchy throat finally went away but now my head is clogged up. I usually don't get a whole lot when I am not pregnant, but when I do I can take Nyquil and drink a hot totty, which seems to make it a lot shorter. Ironically I can't have those things when I am pregnant. And to add on that colds are worse during pregnancy. I hate Murphy's Law. Seems Kieran had a touch of it yesterday, but seems to be feeling better today. However I am not. Let's hope this crap goes away soon, I hate it.

Friday, May 05, 2006

What am I thinking??

I just emailed my resume to a local mental health center for a position involving crisis stabalization and intensive in home case management. I don't even want a job right now. Maybe a small part time one to fill in time, which I was thinking of maybe helping out at Gage and Kierans preschool, but nothing full time and definately not something like this. I was just bored and looking on their website for future ideas of where I might do my practicum/internship and saw they were hiring for this. So without thinking I just emailed my resume. I can just see it now, I get a call in a few weeks for an interview, go in and I am all big and pregnant. They won't take me seriously. Or what if they do, and they look past that and want to hire me, and then I have to tell them I can't work 40 hours in July because of my school schedule and then I would have to take off when the baby comes. I guess I just put it in God's hands. Plus I figured I have nothing to lose if I send it. Granted it's a job I think I would be good at and enjoy, but if I get offered it, could I say no? I guess I shouldn't even worry about it until something happens. But I tend to worry too much.