Wednesday, March 29, 2006

Back again!

Back again. Been awhile, lots happening and lots to do. We just got back from our family vacation last Sunday. It went ok with the minor problems most are occompanied with. Did have some business needing attending to way to much which we could have done without, but none the less it was a good time. We went to the Zoo and Tulsa Aquarium. The kids loved both, Kieran of course had to walk everwhere and didn't want to ride in a wagon or stroller. She is so independent. St. Patty's came and went with no biggie. We took the kids to granny's for the weekend and went and ate dinner then a movie. I have put it way more notice at work than I should have to but I am trying to prepare them for my departure which will be June 2, since it is a Friday. Steven is completing applications for Chemist jobs so we may have some excitement on that end in the coming summer.

I am still tired, more so that ever before in my life. I am weighed down with a great many thins and of course trying to question why people are the way they are just weighs me down even more. I miss my carefree self. I used to be so relaxed about things, now I have so many knots in my neck from stress it is not even funny. And it doesn't help that everyday I am reminded of why I am stressed when I realize people will never change. But something obviously does on my end. I guess that is why work is coming to a halt. Well better go update the other blog too, or it wont happen for another 3 weeks or so.

Saturday, March 04, 2006

Running Behind!

Normally things are moving at such a average pace that I have no problem coming on here giving the usual update. Seems lately so much is changing I feel overwhelmed to type it. So not sure if I have said it before but I have made the decision to resign however not for a few months. I did agree to hold off on my decision until April 3rd to see if things get easier. Well ironically my supervisor, the same one who asked to wait has put in his two week notice. That was a week ago. Apparently his higher ups were wanting him to take on more cases after he finally got rid of his caseload so he could be more available to us. He said he could not do that, they did not relent so he is deciding to move on. What makes me even more mad is they did not believe him and assigned him those cases anyway. This just goes to show what kind of people I work for, they care nothing of the welfare of our workers and supervisors. I have had nothing but visions of a Jerry Maguire moment going through my head. While this situation has definately made it easier on my decision, it saddens me to know this is and will always be the state of things in DCFS. And the hard workers who try to make a difference day in and day out are the ones who are suffering. God help them. I have decided I will not leave without speaking out. Even if it is in Jerry Maguire "Memo" form. Probably won't change anything but maybe it will do something, however insignificant. With our supervisor leaving this puts us in a big predicament. They take forever to hire people, they have to first publish, then interview, then send all that crap to Little Rock which takes forever. Put it this way it took over 2 months for me to get hired and that was considered short. I imagine I will be long gone before they finally hire someone, even then this person may not even know what they are doing. And until then and before I do leave I and my other foster care workers will get in trouble by the judge for things that are way out of our control. Oh well. We do what we can in the time allowed. Which isn't the tip of the iceberg around here.

Changing somewhat to a different subject, Steven and I are on the same path here recently of needing changed and wondering exactly why it is we are doing what we are doing. We both realize we are perfectionists but we are needing to learn to draw the line. He is thinking about graduating with his Masters this summer and finding a job. This would free me up to be a full time stay at home mom with some comfort, and as a part time non-profit Director which is what I want more than to be a counselor. Now I am not quitting with my degree, I have decided to slow down a lot. Pushing myself to the brink of exhaustion is no way to go through life. I know when one is not doing God's Will he lets us know in different ways, and feeling burned out for both Steven and I tells me we aren't in his Will. However all this idea of change did not come until Steven and I decided to join the church we have been going to for some time. I have no doubt that decision has opened our eyes in other ways. I am not sure what his Will is for this family, but I know he doesn't want us to work hard only to be unhappy. Maybe just simplifying things is all we need to do. I guess we will see.