Happy, happy, joy, joy!!!

Each semester there comes a time when registration for the upcoming semester arrives. This day is marked with a rush to the computer in the early morning in hopes to grab the classes you want or need in hopes of grabbing them before they are filled up. It is not uncommon for many of these classes to be filled up by 9:30 a.m. It's ridiculous really. None the less, I set my alarm with the intent to get up and come the 2 feet to the computer to register. So after I registered for my final practicum (with 1 place left in the class I wanted) and my Ethics class, I then realized that this is it. No more. I will never again have to fight to get a spot in a class. I will never again have to worry about what I will have to take and if it is even being offered. Why? Because, next semester is my last. Alas, graduation looms nearer and nearer. I was even lucky enough to get both classes on the same day, and for once not super late. My first class actually being in the afternoon at 1:30. And another good thing, they are on Thursday so not on a practice day. With a little more than 5 weeks left in this semester I realize just how fast the next semester will fly by.

It almost seems surreal. In all actuality when I was growing up, I had no clue whether or not I would even go to college. My parents are definately working class Americans with no college degrees. My mother actually dropped out of high school. It was always well known that they would not be able to send me to college. I even applied for Pell grants my Senior year but they made too much for me to get anything, but not enough to send me (this is where the government fails, among other areas). And the same went for my younger sister. Some may remember my short stint in the NAVY, which was my attempt to have my education paid for. Well, due to an undiagnosed seizure disorder in which the military happens to frown upon I was medically discharged. Again, dreams of an education faded away. That is until I was given information on a rehab grant.(Thanks Eddie S.) Because of the circumstances of me leaving for the military but then being discharged because of my seizures, I was approved for such a grant. This grant saved my education. Because someone else was paying for it, I felt obligated to complete it. An obligation that has continued to this day, even though now it's me footing the bill. So as you can see, this simple milestone is not so simple to me. I have worked my butt off for it. Many sacrifices were made to get me to this point, not just by me but my family as well. Even though it is still 6 months away, I look forward to this day with anxious anticipation. Now as long as something major doesn't happen, I will get there. Knock on wood!!

The Body harbors, what the mind ignores

I haven't been much for updating lately. Haven't felt like it. In truth I haven't felt much of anything except a terrible tension headache for the past 2 weeks. It wouldn't budge no matter what I tried. On a pain scale it wasn't dreadful, but the fact that it was constant from the moment I woke up to the time I passed out each night wore on me. Finally last Monday after class I gave in and drove from Ft. Smith to Talequah, where the nearest Indian Hospital is. I did not get home until 3:30 a.m. Yes, that is how desperate I was. And to top it off I drove through the worst fog imaginable. Nothing like being on Highway 62 in the middle of the night with fog everywhere. I kept waiting for the car to breakdown and my cell to be out of area, it was a perfect set up for a horror movie. I think I passed a total of 5 cars the whole trip. So I was given a nice prescription of muscle relaxers and darvocet. Of course with my lovely schedule I wasn't even able to take the meds until I was home at night and Steven was around to watch the kids. Basically I took them at night before bed. I didn't feel like going through the day like a zombie and well, I just didn't feel right taking them when I was alone with Ryker. So luckily I only had to take a couple of darvocets and I no longer needed those. I am not to keen on pain killers anyway. But I continued to take the muscle relaxers at night, as they are definately working. I slowly felt the tightness in my head diminish with each passing day. Of course now, I have this ubber dry mouth that no matter what I drink I can't get rid of. I could do without that. I was being interviewed for a documentary for roller derby today (for some U of A students I believe) and I so badly wanted to suck on some candy the whole time. I got choked several times.
So I realize now that even though I don't necessarily feel super stressed, .my body of course is telling me to take better care of it. I figured, I better take advantage of those free massages for the rollergirls and get one. I wonder if they do head massages? Is there such a thing? Oh well if not, I will take the full body. It will apprecate it I am sure.

I would die for that...

(Note: this is not to cause argument or anything of the sort, if you have anything negative to say keep it to yourself. This is my blog and I will post what I want to in regards to what I feel)

On that note, I was shared this link today and this song is absolutely beautiful and touching.

Understanding my role

I have been thinking a lot about perception lately. Mostly on my weekly trips to Ft. Smith on Mondays. Long stretches of highways are the best way to reflect. I often wonder how people perceive me upon our meeting. I have been told on many occasions that I am hard to read, either that or I seem stuck up. I see nothing wrong with that honestly because there is no trickery involved, nor conceit, I am also not hiding anything. Truth be known, while people are trying to get a feel for me, more than likely I am getting a feel for them. My engagement just requires less emotion, at least on my face. It is no secret that I also keep a tight wall. I am cordial to all, just few ever really get through the actual interview process. Seems every year it gets even more tight. Again, I am not bothered by this. I know it seems at times I am rather anti-social, and maybe I am to some degree. I guess my priorities are just different than most. No biggie. I have also found quite a bit of comfort in this particular role. The biggest reason being, I have found absolutely little to no drama in my life. It is soothing really. Never been too keen on it anyways. I also like to keep an eye out for those who tend to attract it, in order to keep my distance. This is one of the many things I do when I people watch. I of course am attracted to similar minded people. And thankfully I have found several here and there.

Another sad, yet interesting part of my thinking involves constant concern regarding the mental stability of people. Seems with each passing class towards graduation I find that mental illness and personality disorders are much more rampant than most would like to admit or believe. This of course weighs heavily on how involved I tend to get with others. Needless to say I find my self keeping my distance on those who score high in certain areas. Unfortunately, many statistics show that up to 25% of the population suffers from such illnesses and disorders. 1 out 4 is way to high to let just anyone in. After all you wouldn't let someone you barely know into your home, so why should it be any different for your life. I know several of you are probably reading this and thinking, "this is why she doesn't talk on the phone", or "so this is why she doesn't go out." Actually no, truth is, I hate talking on the phone, and bars are way to darn smoky for me, especially since my last pregnancy when I seem to have developed a severe case of smoke sickness. Anytime I smell just a little I get severly nauseated.
If anything I just wanted to clarify what is going on in my mind when you are trying to determine if I am just dumb or stuck up. But if it makes you feel better to think one of those then by all means continue. It makes no iota of difference to me.