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I just realized after adding up all my TR1 money which is what I get paid in mileage, I am averaging about $5000 extra a year on just mileage. I would be stupid to quit this job. I also realized something else today. I actually like my job when I am there. I have a blast. Especially when I am doubling up on trips with Heather my co-worker. We have nicknamed ourselves the DHS twins. When people see us coming they better watch out, lol. My job is stressful, but for some reason the most stress is when I am not there, it's when I am at home and I am constantly thinking about it. Especially when I am falling asleep. If I could just find a way to leave it at work I would be a lot better off. Honestly I don't think I could find a job that I would have as good as bosses as I have and get along with all my coworkers like I do. Honestly there is not one person I work with that I do not like. That is like rare. I guess I am seeing the glass half full today which is good, I need a day like this to remind me I can do this. Constant negativity would bring anybody down as well as those they are around.
Interesting facts about myself!1. I once out ran my whole pee wee baseball team, one at a time. I was the only girl. The coach still teases me about it to this day, he was my friend who passed away last years father. (Miss you Tommy)2. The older I get the worse OCD I have. I will literally check 5 times to make sure I have my keys before I shut the car door.3. I have the worst time telling people "No"! Although I am slowly realizing I get taken advantage of, so I am forcing myself to say it.4. I am as sweet as they come but don't screw me over royal and expect me to just forget it. I don't work that way... and don't quote some random guy I have never heard of about forgiveness and how it will wear me out. Putting it in your signature just pisses me off even more. Oh and get the hint stop emailing me when I ask you to. It' s called stalking!!5. I compete with an invisible force. Half the time I do not know why I push myself to do the things I do. Often there just is no point. 6. My best freind is an atheist and he is a male... does that mean I am going to hell?7. I hate thongs!8. I eat twice as much as most people!9. I like to observe people and learn what makes people tick!10. My aunt, my mom, and myself all have a bit of the "touch". My aunt more than me or my mom, but we all have some stories. Very bizarre ones.
I am too young for this crap. It started to hurt last night but when I woke up this morning I couldn't even get out of bed without Steven's help. He had to help me get in the bath tub and get undressed (poor guy). I have taken ibuprofen and tylenol and a half of a valium, and it is barely taking the edge off. I refuse to take anything stronger, they usually don't take the pain away anyways just make me feel funny. I feel old and decrepet. I can barely move, even twisting my neck hurts. I go back to work tomorrow, which sucks anyways, but I am praying it is gone by then. I am not one to call in unless I am dying. Especially this job you just can't, too much to do, you have to call like 10 people to cancel appointments and crap. It sucks and I am already super behind because of taking a vacation. Well so much for TTC this month. I think my body needs some time to recuperate anyways. I really need a different job, this one is dragging me into the ground. It's taking all the joy in life away. People, you want to know why casewrokers are so bitter and get burnt out, it's because it's one of the most stressful jobs in the whole world. I mean what other jobs are there where you see the horrors of the world done to our children, have to be on the stand in court and get reamed weekly, meet the deadlines of reports and case plans and other mandatory crap, make over 40 visits a month, try and deal with people and kids going crazy, and still maintain some time for your family. Honestly we are doing the jobs of five different people. It's ridiculous to think we can do this and make a difference. I mean come on, are we really doing any good? I ask myself everyday. And honestly I don't think so. We are being unfair to these children as well as ourselves. The good thing about it is we do take these children out of homes that do hurt them, but the system hurts them too, in various ways. Therapy for many years is the only true hope for these children. And on that note I must stop, before I go overboard. Plus my back is killing sitting here.
Gosh I am getting more and more to where I don't like to go back home. Don't get me wrong I love getting to see my family, at least most of them, but it's just not the same as it used to be. Christmas has become nothing more than a "HAVE TO" it has taken all of the joy of what it is supposed to be about. It's wearing on me. I am glad we decided this year to spend Christmas day here at the house with just us. I think a lot of my problem is I am getting to where I don't like crowds at all even if they are people I know. We came back with so much stuff I have no idea what all we got, it's overwhelming to just think about opening all of it and clean it up. Is this what Christmas is...nothing more than a hassle? I think Jesus would be saddened. Not to say that it is all like that. The good in Christmas is that is brings the good out in people. People will pitch in to help those in need, which is good, sadly it's the only day to do that each year, and the rest of the time is filled with our own problems.
I know, I sound like Scrooge. Truth is I love Christmas, it is just too commercial and fake and it causes me more stress every year. Anyways, the hard part is over for me. I will make my lasagne and cookies tonight and we will get up do the presents thing and then go to church. Come home eat and spend time with each other and that is all I want to do. To think New Years is only a week away. As Charlie Brown so nicely put it... "Oh Good Grief!"
Yesterdays trip to the photography at JCPenney is a great reminder of why I don't do that to often. First the were like an hour behind schedule. So the kids had to wait and be expected to be good and still...not my kids! So finally she comes to get us and sees Steven and I are also wearing red, only coincidental so she asks us if we want family pics we were like "uh, we weren't prepared, plus he has some logo on his shirt." Well she says she can hide that and says it would be good to take family ones. SO ok not only are we getting the kids individual ones we are all taking family pics. Kieran and Gage just did not want to be still and smile. Instead they laughed and flung their arms and hands everwhere. By this time I was burning up. So finally we get them done and still have to wait to view them on the computer, which was taking most people like 30 minutes (no wonder they were behind). I get on choose my pics and am done in 5 minutes. I was actually surprised they turned out pretty good. Supposed to get them on the 6th and my smile by wire in about 10 days. So I will post them as soon as I can. Today we are going to Oklahoma, so I won't be able to post for a couple of days or so.
Yep, I am on a roll! Already most of my blog has been from this month and November. And I have less time now then I did last year. Anyways, it's day 2 of my much needed vacation. I slept in until 12:00 this morning, woke up to Steven in the shower, he says he was up again last night with his kidney stone. Another thing we have to worry about this holiday season. Got all our Christmas dinner shopping done, so far we are having Lasagne, crab stuffed mushrooms, crab legs, and dessert. Yeah we don't exactly do the traditional thing. I am not exactly your traditional kind of girl. This is the same person who for my highschool graduation wanted to walk out to Bad Company instead of Pomp and Circumstance. I was out voted of course, but...because of my anti-traditional views I got it to where we didn't have to sing at graduation and for some reason that tradition seemed to die that year. That's right everyone at Indianola needs to be thanking me! I do beleive some traditions are great but some are just silly to keep up, I mean what is the point to eating Turkey on Christmas dinner when you just had it for Thanksgiving. I don't think the first Christmas in the manger had Turkey. Yet I am the one that gets the odd looks because I want Lasagne. Whatever!
And what is the deal with people on AIM, I mean come on it takes 2 seconds to put (brb), yet it seems that some people I talk to think it is polite to leave me hanging with questions and such and wonder why I I just exit after 15 minutes of being left there. The main reason I don't get on that thing much anymore. Common curteousy(sp?) is not shared I take it. Well kiddos picture appointment is almost here so I better get off and get dressed and ready to go to that.
Well my Christmas vacation starts tomorrow although, it started as soon as I left for work today. Went and dropped off a bunch of presents off for some of my kids on my caseload and then came straight home. Today was pretty boring for a day at DHS. Even non boring days it seems I can get a lot done.
Tomorrow the kids are going to daycare and then getting picked up early for pics taken at JCPenney...finally!! Not sure what I am going to do with my time alone. I know I will sleep in, but even lately I can only sleep in to 8:30 which seems so early to me. I could always shop but I think I would rather eat my feet than shop 4 days before Christmas unless I have too, which I don't. Thursday we go to the families down in Oklahoma...yee haw (just kidding, were not that hickish...or are we??) Hopefully I will get to see some of my bestfriends from highschool. There are supposed to be a couple of my best guy friends coming home. Seems like forever since I seen them. Hopefully I will get to see my best girlfriend Charlette too. Can you tell I am missing them. Anyways, thought I would include a cute pic of the kiddos to lighten the mood from the last post of mine. I am still down just not as much, I guess I am passed the anger stage. I went ahead and bought a 3 months subscription to fertilityfriend's VIP so I can have a better grasp of whats going on in my body.
Really getting tired of this. Started spotting last night, full blown bleeding today. Wouldn't have even known I was pregnant if I hadn't started charting. I think I probably have had many of these and not known what they were but late periods. I am going to talk to my Doctor. I have lost 4 out of 6 babies, that is not good odds at all. I am just tired right now, sad and angry and tired. I need a break from things. I am taking a week off of work. Told my board that I own I am taking time off. Non-profit is on hold, school is out, I am just going to concentrate on the family and myself for a change. I really need this. I think maybe the rest will do me some good for a change, my body and mind deserve it. Here I am 25 and my body doesn't want to do what it's natural instinct is to do and bear children. Maybe if I were one of my homeless or drug addicted clients I would have better luck as they seem never to have any problems getting and staying pregnant. Murphy can kiss my ass. If it weren't for God I don't know how I would be right now. That is not to say I am not a bit angry with him too. Sorry God but I am, I just don't understand, but you know that! I just need to go for know. God be with me and forgive me.
Well I took the clearblue easy digital this morning and in less than a minute it showed that I was pregnant. I now have a favorite new test, no lines to scrutinize. Temp is still pretty high at 98.1, which it's been averaging 98.2 the past week. I guess this will put my due date at the day before my birthday which is August 22. Ironically it is also exactly a year from when I was miscarrying. I think they call that Bitter Sweet. So if everything goes according to plan and nothing happens this next birthday will be a lot better than last year, which royally sucked. This exhaustion I have is also a good sign that everything is going well so far. Boobs are also sore. Other than that though I am feeling fine. I plan on going to the mall to use a coupon I have for Victoria's Secret and get me a brand new pretty Angels bra that I won't be able to where very much longer, lol. Oh well it is worth it. I guess it is also a good thing I didn't ask for clothes for Christmas from Steven (which I normally do), this year I just asked that he surprise me. And he said he has got me something that I will like so I am looking forward to that. Christmas is exactly a week away from today, that is pretty hard to believe. I am taking a week off of work too, so I am also looking forward to that. A full week away from DHS...wow, I need that.
Well I have taken 2 hpt's and both have very faint lines. They were taken early still so I am not getting to excited just yet. There was a Christmas party last night for our Division at work, it was really fun but OMG some of those people are wild but funny none the less. Heather, Carla and I were not drinking (me for obvious reasons) but we just sat and watched everyone embarass themselves.
Kieran had her birthday a couple of weeks ago but since I was on call we had her party the week after. I think she had fun. Her granny, pops, nonnie, paw, cousin Chase and Aunt K.K. (Kelsey) all came and went and ate at Applebee's then came back to the house and opened presents and had cake and ice cream. Above are some pics from the big party.
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