Friday, December 16, 2011

Wired differently? Nah just God's grace.

Sadly, this is my first post this month despite all that has happened. We went to my granny's funeral and it was just how she would have wanted it. No sad music and a celebration of her life! Afterwards at my Papaw's house I located those old skates that I used to skate in and broke down. It's funny how it happens, fine one minute the next, bam! It was a good cry though, from a bunch of happy memories hitting me at once. Those skates were given to me and my Papaw even told me about how he met my Granny... at a skating rink! Thought that was awesome. He and my Granny's sister also told me about how much she loved to skate and how good she was. Also thought that was pretty cool. She also had print outs of newspaper articles that were about me including my derby stuff. She never told me she did that. Unfortunately we couldn't stay long as it was on a Wednesday and had to get back.

That weekend was Kieran's birthday and hers and Zoe's party at our house. I will post pics later, still have a lot to download off the camera. The party was already planned that day otherwise considering the funeral early in the week it was bad timing.

I have been trying to work a few hours on Wednesdays since one of my friends from church offered to watch Ryker and Heston for me. Wasn't quite ready for the holidays this year. They sprung up on me. With Heston being born and then NICU right after, shopping has not been on my to do list. We did manage to get some things bought on Amazon. Wouldn't bother me in the future if we did everything online.

This past Sunday I woke up with a sore breast from Heston going a little longer between feeding. He normally nurses all night long. Not that night and it got me. I got up and pumped but it was still sore. I went to church and felt fine in Sunday School but once church started I was not feeling to good. After church was over the chills and fever hit. I went home and wrapped under covers. I knew I had mastitis, no doubt in my mind. I even had to miss the church's yearly Christmas dinner that night and auction. I hated that. The next morning with red lines appearing on my breast, which is not a good thing, I broke down and called my APN who called in some antibiotics. Started taking them that afternoon but I didn't start feeling like myself for nearly 48 hours. Normally I respond within 24 with most infections. The fever and chills were the worst. I felt sharp shooting pains everywhere. Tylenol wouldn't last long at all and due to my allergy to NSAID's I suffered without ibuprofen for a long time until I broke down and took some children's. I felt like I was playing Russian Roulette every time though. My fever was near 103 so I really didn't have a choice and it was either that or go to the hospital, which I probably should have done. But I am on the mend now and also taking some lecithin for prevention. That was worse than the flu and I never want it again if I can help it.

Through out the whole sickness I still took care of Heston and Ryker during the day and Heston even at night. It was during this that I realized I am not wired normal after having babies as most are. I have described my euphoria before that I know is unnatural. But throughout all this I still felt so blessed and happy. The baby blues are very common, some estimate it affects nearly 80% of women who give birth. That is just hormones mostly balancing out. There is also a good number who have PPD (Postpartum depression) which is a pretty good number as well and chances grow higher with significant issues after birth, such as deaths, sicknesses, stress, etc. Hmm, I have dealt with all of those and God's grace has carried me through. Heston in the NICU was enough to send me over the edge, and boy was I close when I thought I would lose him. My hope and his grace got me through that. I look back at it and see so much growth during that time. Granny's death was a sadness and also a blessing. She lived a great full life but had been suffering for a few months. She knew where she was going and is no longer in pain. Then my sickness I realized my patience level is better than I thought. I also patted myself on the back for still being able to take care of an infant when I was barely able to manage myself. In all of this I could have given up and took the opposite route that I did.

Now don't get me wrong, it would be nice if things would calm down a bit and no more huge things happen. I could use some calmness to find what normal is right now and some sleep. After all they say things happen in three's. That is 3 big things in my mind. They also say that when it comes to troubles everyone is either going into some, in the middle of some, or just getting out of some. I pray mine is just the coming out of it.

Tonight is our Sunday School couples class Christmas party. We are eating at a little pizzaria in Siloam Springs. My friend from church's (who has been watching Ryker and Heston) brother owns it and it is awesome. The kids will have their own party at the church. Heston of coarse will go with me. Looking forward to some calm fun. :)

No comments: