Today was my scheduled outpatient surgery to remove what I refer to as my leftover Unicorn horn. A benign tumor on top of my head that I have had for a couple of years or so, which has been increasing in size ever so slowly. I have been meaning to get something done for awhile but finally broke down last month and went to see my PCP, who then referred me to Dr. Henry at Advanced Dermatology. Appointment was Monday and surgery was scheduled for today despite it being the worst day of the week for me schedule wise. Apparently he only does surgeries on Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday afternoon, and the only spot available for weeks was today, and since I had to refrain from anything strenuous (including derby... I asked) for a week I figured I better do this now so not to miss my bout on the 27th.
So surgery comes and it was no big deal like I thought, pretty cool during the whole thing actually. But after it was over is when the fun starts. The nice assistant to the Doctor told me because it was a head wound that I wouldn't be able to wear your basic bandage and that she would have to wrap it up around my head and I would have to wear it for 48 hours. She was smiling as she said this so I just assumed she was kidding. So I jokingly said, "So no showers then either?" She said definitely not! What?!? "At least no washing your hair for 2 days." This nice lady obviously doesn't get that I need my hair washed daily. Fine hair just doesn't do well without. But what upset me the most was that the bandage joke was not one. She starts wrapping this tight gauze around my head and underneath my chin and all the while it is squeezing my neck and pinching my whole face together. She starts laughing and tells me, "I can see you are real pleased." Me, "oh yeah, you have NO idea!"
So there I am, leaving the Doctor with my orders to 1.Not bend over, 2. no heavy lifting, and 3.No taking said bandage off for 2 days because of possible heavy bleeding and all I could think of is I look like a wounded soldier from the civil war. Not even recent wars... the civil war, because head wrapping wounds have come a long way since then. At least I thought. As soon as I get home I cut the part under my neck off to relieve choking and squished face. Right now it is just a bandage head band. Later I will have Steven go get me some normal head bands to do the trick to hold gauze in place. Maybe my horn will grow back since I am not following strict Doctors orders to keep their handy work in place. Civil war head or unicorn horn... hmm, tough call.
Side note, why can't he do surgeries on Friday to allow one not to have to return to work with civil war head?