Here we go again~

I am 16 dpo. I am too scared to test. My boobs are not sore, I did start having cramping a few days ago, thought AF was coming, she never did. I do have an appt. tomorrow with a gyno. to discuss my miscarriages. I am sure she will test me. Sadly I have no idea how I will handle the results either way. I am using fertility friend and of course their test date is like 8 days away because they want to make sure you don't test to early and in my case I can see why. I don't know if it's this or the fact I had to get out of bed at the crack of dawn to go on a call, but I am so blah right now. I did try to get a nap earlier and got another call that woke me up pretty good, luckily I didn't have to go out on that one. I am finally learning to push the stress of work out of mind. Maybe it's because I did pass my panel last Friday, yay, i'm officially not a trainee and I get a raise. Still I am blah right now. I didn't even care that my Broncos got beat. Now that is sad. Oh well there is always next year, good job for making it this far.
Ok this sucks, I can't even get excited about possibly being pregnant even though I want to be so bad. I really don't want to go through this again. But I put myself out there. Well I am going to go get something to eat. I need to get my mind on something else.