Monday, December 19, 2005

Spoke to dang soon!

Really getting tired of this. Started spotting last night, full blown bleeding today. Wouldn't have even known I was pregnant if I hadn't started charting. I think I probably have had many of these and not known what they were but late periods. I am going to talk to my Doctor. I have lost 4 out of 6 babies, that is not good odds at all. I am just tired right now, sad and angry and tired. I need a break from things. I am taking a week off of work. Told my board that I own I am taking time off. Non-profit is on hold, school is out, I am just going to concentrate on the family and myself for a change. I really need this. I think maybe the rest will do me some good for a change, my body and mind deserve it. Here I am 25 and my body doesn't want to do what it's natural instinct is to do and bear children. Maybe if I were one of my homeless or drug addicted clients I would have better luck as they seem never to have any problems getting and staying pregnant. Murphy can kiss my ass. If it weren't for God I don't know how I would be right now. That is not to say I am not a bit angry with him too. Sorry God but I am, I just don't understand, but you know that! I just need to go for know. God be with me and forgive me.

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